My Brain Cancer Testimony
By Dennis Swick
Sometimes life is like a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs. I sometimes ask myself, "If there is a God that loves and is powerful, why are there so many people in the world that have to suffer?" My answer would still be that with everything that has happened to me, God exists and He does love and is powerful. Please keep reading.
I was born in Los Angeles, California on December 9, 1952. My wife and I lived in Spain starting in May of 1982. My wife Nanette was born in Jamaica and lived in Mexico and later in the Philippines (being a missionary kid). She was the youngest daughter of missionaries Burton and Glenna Clark who are with Wycliffe Bible Translators. We were married June14, 1975 and it was the same day that I had graduated from the University of California at Irvine with my B.A. in History. I came to Spain with Type 1 or “child” diabetes and I had to give myself a shot of insulin every time I ate. I have had the disease for 50 years as of August of 2007. I was grateful when I got a medal from Jostlins for having it so long. Now I am using a Medtronic insulin pump and it is great! But the years of having low blood sugars and those particular moments with low blood sugars will still be with me for a long time. One example of this, that I will leave you, is that a normal person has a blood sugar in the range of 80 to 120. At one time I had a blood sugar of 22. I know that because I had a car accident and some paramedics came, took my blood sugar, and told me that is what I had. While in Spain, I had to check my blood with a glucose monitor 4 times a day. And even then, one time in Spain my A1C (a blood sugar measurement used for three months) was at 8.2 which it is suppose to be around 6.5. But this whole subject by itself is another story!
When we first arrived in Barcelona, we had to go to language school and learn Spanish. I also went to the University of Barcelona for one year taking 4 classes in Spanish. Our daughter Megan was only 4 years old when we arrived and she began school there in Barcelona.
I also remember that in 1984 my parents flew over to Barcelona and my family and I went to the Clinica Barrequer (an eye clinic) in Barcelona because they were going to do laser treatment on my two eye surgeries on my retinas due to my diabetes. In the clinic we waited until the doctor called me into a room. There he put a metal object in my eye to keep it open and then he began to shoot the laser beam at the veins growing inside my eye. As he shot the laser, I could see green branches of trees lighting up. Then he did the same thing to my other eye. He actually told me he was making small burns on the veins in my eyes and he was cutting off the small growths so that the veins would be stronger with the blood flow. After he was done, he covered both eyes with bandages and told me I needed to lie still for about 16 hours while my eyes healed. So we went to a hotel and I laid down there while my family took a visit of the city. The next day, they took the bandages off my eyes and I could see like through a fog, but none-the-less I could see. Then they drove me home which was also in Barcelona. But if you’ve never been to Barcelona, it is a very big city. It is so very compact and yet is full of history. It is very European and yet so cosmopolitan in style. From my experience, it has a different feel from living in Madrid!
My second daughter April was born the same day as my wife’s 29 birthday in a hospital in Gerona, the capital of the province of Gerona, which is about a hour and a half north of Barcelona. We lived in Barcelona for 2 years and we attended a Brethren Church there called La Bisbal. We lived near my boss, Daniel Gonzalez of Bible Correspondence Courses. After 1982 we moved to the province of Gerona in 1984 to a town called Salt. But the reason my daughter April was born in Gerona before 1984 was because we had driven up to Gerona to attend a camp and while there, Nanette broke her water and April was born in the Clinica Gerona.
Now in 1984, we had a DECISION campaign in Salt where several evangelical Spaniards came to help get an evangelical church started. You see, I was a church planter and in Salt there was no Evangelical Protestant Church. The city had about 15,000 people. John Blake was heading up DECISION, which was connected to the Billy Graham organization. My team members were Ray and Xenia Rendon, David and Debbie Frank and George and Alice Huggins and later Andy and Claude Lopez, all members of G.E.M. (Greater Europe Mission) the first mission agency we went with.
During our time in Salt we learned their language of “Catalan”, which is quite different from Spanish. In 1985 and 1989, I was also able to do two art expositions of my paintings in the cultural center of Salt called ‘LES BERNARDES’ and I even got into a newspaper. I also started a ministry to people involved in cult groups like the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Also while in Salt, my wife and I sang a lot wherever we were invited. We recorded two cassettes called ‘Paso a Paso’ (Step by Step) and ‘A Tu Lado’ (Next to you) with Alex Blanco in his studio in Barcelona and we became very close to Jim and Joyce Phillips. It was just amazing to me the times we got to hear our voices on the radio, sing in the Palace in Montjuic in the city of Barcelona, or do concerts up in Gerona.
Aside from all these memories, something very tragic happened to us in Gerona that I’ll never be able to forget. In the month of September of 1985 we had a bad car accident between Gerona and Figueras on the National Highway (which had two lanes of traffic). Figueras is about 45 minutes north of Gerona. I was driving a white Renault 14 up a hill with Nanette sitting next to me in the passenger seat and Ray and Xenia Rendon sitting behind me. We were all heading for a team meeting in Figueres to the apartment of the Huggins. As I was driving up this hill, a Mercedes van turned right in front of me. He didn’t have his turning signal on. He was going down the hill fast and I had no idea that he was going to turn his van right in front of me. When I finally saw that he was going to turn, I tried to miss him. I knew that if I went to the right I would go into a ditch so I turned to the left where I knew that traffic was coming. But unfortunately I hit him instead. The side of his van was right in front of me. The front of my Renault smashed into him like an accordion. Ray and Xenia went flying forward, as seatbelts weren’t required back then. And Nanette had both the impact of the engine coming through the glove compartment and the thrust of Xenia pushing Nanette’s seat forward. And it happened so quickly we were all in a daze. Those that had stopped their cars had to take Nanette out of the seat and lay her on the ground in hopes that an ambulance would come and help her. She was in terrible pain! I was fine, amazing as that may be, and was trying to direct traffic as there were no State police to be seen and the traffic had built up on both sides of the road. Finally about 30 minutes later an ambulance came and took Nanette and Xenia, who was also hurt, to a hospital in Gerona. Later when I asked the driver of the van why he turned in front of me, he replied: “I didn’t see you. The sun was in my eyes”.
Since that accident, Nanette has had three major operations. In two of them they had to cut bone out of her hip and then place the bone between her 6th and 7th vertebrae in her spine. And in both operations she was in bed for three months each so the total was six months in bed. And when she got out of the bed to go the bathroom, she had to wear a hard plastic brace on her neck. Then later after the three months had passed, she had to wear the hard collar brace again. We were hoping with the first operation that the pain would get better. But it didn’t. And with the second operation that was done later, we had hoped the same thing, that the surgery would help the pain. But it didn’t. The pain with time became more intense. She has tried everything imaginable to deal with the pain from swimming pool exercises, electric shock treatments, cortisone injections, electric nerve conductions, acupuncture, chiropractic measures, massages, and using magnets but nothing has worked. She does not sleep soundly at night because the pain keeps her awake and some times she is in tears because it hurts so much. At one point I believe she was taking several pain medicines a day, the strongest being “vicodin” (which is addictive I am told). She said that it only took the “edge off” the pain. One night, when we were living in Madrid in 1988, she wrote this poem:
You burn; you stab
You throb, you jab
You’re sharp or dull
But never a lull
Constant companion
Insistent instructor
Stealing my sleep
Poisoning my plans
Reaching down deeper
Than remedies can
Acquired identity
Now you’re an entity
Living in body and soul
Sometimes I defy you
Sometimes I just try to
Who will be stronger today?
Defeat what I would do
Complete what I could be
‘Till death comes to take you away
Madrid
We left the church in Salt, Gerona in 1991 with the hopes that the new Spanish pastor there would be great and so we moved to Móstoles, Madrid where we worked with the FIEIDE (The Federation of Evangelical Churches of Spain). As time passed, we found out later that the church in Salt doesn’t exist anymore. But in Móstoles our new Spanish pastor was Francisco Portillo. His wife was Jeanette Van Deist, who was a missionary kid of the Van Deists, also missionaries of our home church in California. And part of the reason why we moved to Madrid was because my daughter Megan had to go to the hospital in Gerona very often because of her asthma. But in Madrid she was better. In Móstoles my boss was John Bernard (now the president of United World Missions) and we did all kinds of things together. My main objective was to plant a church in Navalcarnero near by Móstoles which had no evangelical church in it. It had about 13,000 people. Some members of the Móstoles church and I covered the town of Navalcarnero using Bible study tracts and going door to door covering the town about 3 different times. But nothing happened. Then we started a Bible study in the town but with time that fizzled out. It was during that time that I was also doing some research work for the FIEIDE, some work amongst cult groups, teaching Apologetics at a Bible School called SEFOVAN, and Nanette and I were singing in different churches. With the situation as it was with Navalcarnero, I decided to change roles and began working with John Blake and the DECISION team doing more research along with my other activities. During this time Nanette and I joined the huge choir that came from different parts of Spain that was evangelical. It was led by Daniel Hollingsworth who was a music director of a church in the state of Washington in North America. Under his direction we sang Handel’s “Messiah” in Spanish in various churches and Major National Auditoriums in Northern Spain. We even sang in the National Auditorium in Madrid that appeared on TV2, which is the second largest television station in Spain. Nanette and I also sang in the Gospel Choir of Madrid with Nancy Rodeman who was director and we were filmed in a video at the LLAMADA ’93 conference held for Spaniards by the Pocket Testament League run by Esther Rodriguez. In 1998, we took a trip to the Canary Islands with SEFOVAN and we sang and I later went there to teach Apologetics. Dennis Murphy was the pastor of the church in Jinámar and we had such a good time together. He was from Northern Ireland and we stayed in his apartment. But during this time, my upper left arm had tendonitis and it was hurting me a lot. And I remember waking up in the morning with pain. I would just pray but then as the day went on the pain would subside.
But it all really came to a head when Nanette, April and I drove town to Seville (about a 10 hour drive south of Madrid) to sing for DECISION. At that point I was beginning to have double vision, seeing two things instead of just one. I thought to myself, “It will just go away with time”. We sang in a church there and had a great time with the people but afterwards when we drove back to Madrid at night time, I could hardly see the white stripe in the middle of the road. I was seeing four and there were only two. And the lights coming my way were driving me nuts. So I pulled the car over at a restaurant half way to Madrid and asked Nanette to drive April and I back. I was afraid that I was going to have an accident. And it was at that point that Nanette said to me --- I needed to see a doctor.
The Brain Tumor
The following day I went to see an Ophthalmologist in Madrid and he told me that I needed to wear an eye patch over the right eye. I wore the patch but I looked like a pirate. And Nanette was afraid that I was going to have an accident driving the car with a patch on. But Praise God, nothing ever happened! I wore the patch for about two weeks and then went back to see the Ophthalmologist. He removed the patch but I still saw double. So he said I needed to go see another Ophthalmologist. When I went to see her, she did all kinds of tests on my eyes and then gave me a prescription to have an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Image) done at Hospital Clínico in Madrid. I had never had an MRI before so I had no idea what that was all about. I remember going there, getting on a metal table, then they put me through this metal tube, and I felt very closterphobic (as there is about 6 inches to a foot of room between your nose and the roof of the tube). The sound itself was incredible! I thought I was in a spaceship. It sounded like a mixture of machine guns firing with jack hammers drilling. But later I found out why it was so bad. I didn’t have on ear plugs! When I got home that night, I was so relieved. I really didn’t want to go through that again. But to my surprise, the nurse called me up on the telephone and said, “By the way. We forgot to give you the dye injection. Can you please come in tomorrow?” Oh well, so much for hoping I was all finished, ha-ha!
After seeing the surgeon (Dr. Matas was his name) on May 3, 1999, I was told that my MRI showed I had a cancerous brain tumor and he wanted to operate on me in three days or I would die. I called up Nanette later and told her the report and said I was coming home. She thought I was just kidding telling her I had a brain tumor, as I told her lots of jokes. But this time I was serious! I found out later that I had an ependymoma which was in one of my four ventricles where the fluid in my spine is made and it was 4.4 x 2.5 x 3.5 centimeters. Well, after seeing the photos it was obvious that I had a brain tumor. It was growing and had to be operated on. Nanette and I were in shock! So we took the photos to another Doctor to get a second opinion and he told us I had 10 days instead of 3 to be operated on or I would die. So we had to leave Spain as quickly as we could as I didn’t want to be operated on in Madrid. I called my parents on the telephone in California about my situation and they started looking for a surgeon. We hoped that our daughter April could finish up the 10th grade as she had only one month left of school. But the doctor said I didn’t have a month. I only had 10 days. So we pulled her out of school. There wasn’t any time to say our goodbyes to friends and that was difficult! It also was at that time that Nanette was working on a CD called “Pilgrim” with Rodolfo Loyola of http://www.advero.com and she had 10 songs nearly done but only lacked 3. But with this situation, she wasn’t able to finish the CD. Yet God in his mercy used Rodolfo in this situation as Rodolfo worked for Delta airlines in Madrid. He told us it might be possible for us to fly out on “standby”. The day we went to the airport, Rodolfo had hoped that we could get on a Delta airline. We waited till everyone boarded but then found out the plane was full. They were not allowing anymore passengers on board. At that point I was so distraught. I was not doing well and this news was like “over the edge” for me. But then at that same moment, we received a new notice that they would take me, so two close friends carried me through customs and got me on the plane. Once there I found out that the pilot wouldn’t fly me unless I had a letter from a Doctor explaining my situation. Well, I had no such letter. Then Adolfo talked with him by phone. He said something to the pilot and then the pilot let me stay. And Nanette and April boarded and sat by my side, as two people next to me moved for them. I was so happy! I was finally going to California to be operated on.
The Cancer
When we finally arrived at the Los Angeles airport, my parents and Nanette’s parents were there to pick us up. I found out later that I looked terrible and I had lost a lot of weight. The neurosurgeon was Dr. Dennis Malkasian who operated on me at St. Joseph’s Hospital and the operation took place on the 10th day, just like it was to be. That in itself was a miracle of God considering all that could have happened in the meantime! The cancer operation was supposed to be about 15 hours but it only took 10. During the operation I was in a metal apparatus where my head could not move. I had tubes coming out of my head and a piece of my scull had to be sawn away to remove the tumor. But during the surgery many were there in the waiting room praying for the doctors operating on me. I thought I was going to die but I guess God had another plan in mind. After the operation I was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for 16 days as the nurses had to watch me around the clock. Then they moved me to another room. Many came to see me and that wasn’t easy as they had to wear a mask, a plastic robe, and gloves in order to just see me. While I was in the hospital, they had to take a lot of x-rays and ultrasounds. And at one point they found a blood clot near my lungs. In another surgery they went up my leg vein into the heart area with a small plastic tube that included a TV Monitor. Fortunately for me, the blood clot had disappeared so they removed the tube from my leg and told me not to move for 16 hours while it healed shut. Believe me, I didn’t move at all for the 16 hours because I didn’t want to go through that whole procedure again!
During the time I was in the hospital it was hard going to the bathroom and having to ask for help. I vomited on several occasions and they had to put IV’s with insulin in it to keep me on track with my sugars. It got tiring as well when they had to come at night and take my blood to see if my glucose was high or low. And Hospital food, that’s another story! I remember one day when my family came to visit me and my cousins came. They had just brought me my hospital food and I was staring at it. The meat was round and looked like press board in the shape of a Frisbee. My cousin dared my daughter April one dollar if she would eat it. That made me laugh so hard!!!
Another memory I’ll never forget. One day my uncle Ron Swick came to the hospital to see me and he was carrying a metal lunch box. And I thought to myself, “What’s inside of it?” Well, believe it or not, it contained bread and a few cups with drink for serving communion. I remember Nanette, my parents, my uncles and the person from the other bed and his family all being together in our hospital room. My uncle explained the gospel and said that we were all sinners but Christ died and paid for our sins with his blood. If we believed in Jesus and what He had done for us on the cross, we could be saved and go to live with God for all of eternity. The bread represented His body being broken for us on the cross and the drink represented his blood that paid for our sins. Then we ate the communion together. It was such a special moment to me!
Later on, when I was ready to leave the hospital after being there for several weeks, I remember them getting me a wheel chair and taking me down the elevator where a car would be waiting to pick me up. Well, I got downstairs before the car came and as I went outside I noticed the sky. It was so blue to me. And the weeds on the ground had little yellow flowers and I remember just staring at them and thinking, “I am alive and I haven’t even noticed how beautiful things are. Why didn’t I notice these things before?” And in this moment I gave God thanks for just being alive and seeing how precious He had made everything that I had taken for granted.
Then much later, they had to give me 27 sessions of radiation therapy. At times I vomited and it wasn’t fun at all. At times it really tired me out. I felt like someone “unplugged” me being so tired. In the beginning they wanted to do chemotherapy on me, but they decided against that because it would mix with the insulin I had to inject and would mess up everything. So I went through radiation treatment. Going through radiation therapy, they first made me a hardened basketball net soaked in plaster that fit over my skull. When they put it on, it was snug. I went in every morning for the sessions for about 6 weeks except for Saturday and Sunday. After I arrived in the room, I would lie down on a metal table and they would snap the head piece/net down on the table so it couldn’t move. Then they would adjust the radiation machine and then leave. They would turn out the lights and then begin the radiation sessions on my skull. The sessions really didn’t last but for more than a few minutes. It took more time for the preparation then the actual session. But I remember one time the girl got everything all set up and in place and was going to leave and then asked me if everything was okay. I said to her, in a joking manner, “Oh, can’t you stay here with me? You really don’t have to leave (---I knowing full well that radiation is supposed to cause cancer)!” Throughout the radiation sessions I did lose some hair, but not a lot. But it did make me vomit later on. My family was concerned as this could affect my diabetes as well and Nanette and April had to rescue me out of a few diabetic commas! Nanette at that point called the doctor and he changed my medication and this helped a lot. And with time I got better.
After everything was completed, I saw the surgeon again and he told me my tumor was very rare. He had treated over the course of years just two people with my kind of cancer and both of them died quickly. He also told us that because I had this kind of cancer, I couldn’t go back to live in Spain again. And during this time all kinds of friends from Spain called and asked about how I was doing. I recall clearly telling Nanette one time when they called that I could not talk to them. It made me depressed so much just remembering them and the times we had spent together. But praise God! I did better over the next few months and on my third time to see him, I had an MRI done that showed no growth of the tumor and he asked me, “What would you like to do?” And I told him, “I know you told me I couldn’t return to Spain, but I want to go back!” At that point, I was doing so well that he said, “Okay, but only for a year.” And I can’t tell you how happy I was to hear that. Nanette was so happy to hear that. Shouts of joy came out of our mouths!
Four phases we go through
On my fourth visit to the surgeon, before I went to Spain, I remember sitting in the waiting room to see Dr. Malkasian. And as I was waiting, there was another patient before my turn. We got talking and he said something I will never forgot. He explained to me that many people that are operated on go through depression periods and many ask themselves the question, “Why do I have this cancer?” “What did I do to deserve this?” As he said this to me, I was reflecting on myself asking the same questions. After investigating this a little further, I realized there are four phases that cancer patients go through. They are: First, denial of the truth; Second, angry over the truth; Third, go through depression asking themselves, “Why me?” “What have I done to deserve this?”; and Fourth, accepting the situation and moving on with life. All of us without exception go through these four stages with cancer. In my situation, in the beginning, I thought it was just a bad joke. Then I was mad about it but that didn’t last long. Then later I was depressed about it and thought to myself, “What have I done to deserve this?” But after thinking about this, and trying to think if there was something I did that I shouldn’t have done, I couldn’t come up with a reason. And in Matthew 5:45 it says, “…and [He] sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous”. So in other words, I just got rained on…that’s all! And lastly, I just accepted my condition. I realized “it’s just spilt milk”. And it’s not really “what you get but rather, what do you do once you get it?”
Clips from life
Joni Eareckson Tada, who is cuadrapeligic, wrote a book with her testimony and also has a movie that DECISION has called “Joni”. In one of her books she states this Bible verse, “Because the love of Christ constrains us…” (2 Corinthians 5:14). An Evangelical pastor went to pick her up at an airport that was near a swamp. This swamp had barricades built on both sides so that the stagnant water would flow through. She said, as she saw this swamp that the word “constrain” means just what she saw. That the love of Christ would flow more and more because of the barricades (the sufferings) would allow the love of God to flow freely without being stopped up. I liked this explication of the verse very much!
Another story that helped me very much was from the book A Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Elderidge. I remember writing a comment about the book and it was published in a newspaper shortly there after. One of the illustrations of the book that helped me a lot came from John Elderidge who said that God was like an author and director of a play. We as actors have an important role to play in the production of life and when it is our turn, we come in and play our part. And when the part is done, we leave. And it is all according to how God directs the play. From this explanation, it was clear to me that my role was very important.
A third book I read which helped me very much was by the Japanese Tomihiro Hoshino. Two missionaries, Yutaka and Yayoi Ikeda, sent me two of his books from Japan. Tomihiro was in the hospital for 9 years looking at the ceiling because it was impossible for him to move. He was cuadrapeligic. His accident happened from a gymnastics exercise in Japan. Through his 9 years of pure boredom he learned to paint flowers with his mouth. He would take a paint brush and paint beautiful flowers with his mouth. Looking at his art work, they were so incredible. The flowers he painted were so delicate and yet so real. But one of his books really called my attention. It was called, The Road that Little Bells Ring. In the story, he tells of how he would travel around in a wheel chair from place to place. But he said he didn’t like the bumpy roads at all. One day he received a gift of some little bells but he didn’t know where to put them. Then he said, “I am going to put them on my wheelchair”. And as any traveler in a wheelchair knows, there are many bumpy roads you have to travel and he was accustomed to them, but didn’t like them one bit! But after attaching these little bells to his wheelchair, they began to ring with each jerk the wheelchair made. And their sound was music to his ears! He liked the sound so much that he ended up liking the jerks and terrible jolts that he endured in the wheelchair. And I thought to myself, “I should be grateful and content for the problems I have to endure because like little bells, the grace of God rings clear for me!”
In closing this section, Ted Blake, the son of John Blake, wrote an article on March 3, 2001 in a bulletin of Decisions, number 3. It stated, “God spoke directly to Jacob on seven occasions. All of them occurred at important moments of his life. The message was told him that he was chosen by God and God was with him (Genesis 28:13-15). He was not to worry (Genesis 31:3, 11-13). And ultimately, they confirmed what his sons had told him that Joseph was still alive (Genesis 46:2). When his sons came home one day, with Joseph’s tunic covered in blood, they said that Joseph had died. But God knew the truth. God loved Jacob. God saw his affliction but he said nothing to Jacob. And I imagine Jacob was crying out to God saying, ‘Why? These dreams that I had, did they not come from you?’ I could imagine Jacob hurt with God for the loss of his favorite son. He could have asked God, ‘What have I done wrong?’ Jeremiah 33:3 says, ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ But God did not respond to him with, ‘Jacob, do not worry. Your son is fine. I am taking care of him. I have a marvelous plan for him that you can’t know yet.’ Instead, Jacob was left in the dark and thought his son was dead. The pain he must have felt, sending Joseph to watch over his brothers and then the brothers returning with Joseph’s tunic all covered in blood. It’s easy to fall into the temptation and think: ‘God has abandoned me. If God wanted, He wouldn’t have allowed this to happen.’ But this is a lie! God does not leave us nor abandon us (Hebrews 13:5). It was because of God’s love that He permitted this to happen. God was preparing things to help protect Jacob and his family in the future. If Jacob had of known that his son was still alive, he would have gone out and searched for him and rescued him and brought him back home. But this would have destroyed God’s plan. And it is interesting to see that the silence of God about this particular situation lasted for 20 years. But the silence was broken when Jacob’s sons told him that Joseph was still alive and Jacob went to Egypt to see him (Genesis 46:2). Joseph’s testimony confirms that God devised everything in order that Jacob’s family and the lives of many, perhaps millions of people in Egypt and all around him, could be saved. [It also preserved the Messianic genealogical line, the tribe of Judah, which was the other brother of Joseph]. ‘And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.’ (Gen. 45:5-8) Jacob lived with his pain and silence for 20 years but in the end he found out why. We don’t always know the reason why things happen. But God being silent at times is a sample of His love for us and not the opposite.”
My Identity
All these different thoughts helped me a lot. But I don’t want to say that everything was “roses and violins”, like an expression they use in Catalan. I also had moments of heartaches and disappointments, not only in California but also in Spain. I knew that I would have to face disagreeable moments, like not being able to play anymore my Martin Guitar, Taylor 12 string, Fender bass, Givens F-5 mandolin, or my violin. All this was difficult for me to accept. My right hand and arm were almost paralyzed from the surgery on my brain and you need two hands to play these instruments. And I couldn’t even paint anymore. Everything I had done was done with my right hand. It made me appreciate right handed people more! I also couldn’t sing. In fact people had a hard time understanding me because the operation had affected my mouth on the right side. My whole right side was basically paralyzed and as my wife once told me, “I looked like a tree with a broken branch.” She said this in love and I knew she was right. People treated me like I was a delicate ceramic china doll, so easily broken. I hated this feeling. I did not want people to treat me this way. And as much as I tried to convince them that I wasn’t so fragile, I still couldn’t convince them. I only saw that I had convinced myself so I accepted it this way.
After I had the operation, I was thinking one day that normally men put too much emphasis on their work. Some guys are “workaholics”. And in many respects this becomes their “identity”. We had left the mission agency of United World Mission, with whom we were missionaries, because of my cancer and not being sure how long I would live for. So I realized I was no longer with a mission agency. And I realized that I couldn’t play my instruments any more like my guitars or the mandolin or even the violin. And I couldn’t paint like I use too because my right hand didn’t work. And just trying to paint, I couldn’t. My right hand wouldn’t cooperate and seemed so wobbly. And I couldn’t sing like before as when I tried I sounded horrible with the right side of my mouth being paralyzed. I was paralyzed on my right side from my head to my toes. And this just made me feel like they say in Spain, “un cero a la izquierda” (a zero to the left)… a nothing, worthless, having no value at all. Thinking about all this day after day led me into a depression. So I decided to see a Christian Counselor. After being in his office for awhile and explaining to him things, I realized ---wait a minute! I am a husband and have a wife who loves me! I am a father and have two daughters that love me! And I am a Christian and have a Savior who died for me! Being a Christian was my real identity! And it was realizing all these things that made my depression disappear. I felt a new freedom. I was Christ’s Disciple. He bought me. I was His!
It was later in May of 2000 that I saw the doctor once again. In his office he asked me, as he had seen my recent MRI which looked good and the cancer had not grown, “What would you like to do?” I told him that I knew he had said that I would never go back to Spain but I told him I wanted to return if that was God’s will. And he told me, that he did say that, but because I was doing so well he would let us return to Spain for a year. I can’t tell you how happy Nanette and I were. It is hard to explain in words! So after the graduation of my daughter Megan from BIOLA, and me officiating in their marriage of her and her husband, we returned to Madrid with my other daughter April for one year. Nanette was able to finish her studies in the BIOLA program with a “suma cum laude” in Organizational Leadership. And returning to Spain several things happened. First, Nanette was able to finish up the CD (compact disk) called “Pilgrim/Peregrina”. Second, April was able to graduate from High School at the ECA (Evangelical Christian Academy in Madrid). Third, I was able to see the people again at SEFOVAN and DECISION. Fourth, Nanette and I were able to sing in some events with the Gospel Choir of Madrid. And fifth, we were all able to say our heartfelt “goodbyes” to those in our church in Móstoles, Madrid. All of this was a “gift” to me. It was in a word, “priceless”!
The Conclusion
But the story doesn’t end here. When God closes one door, He opens another. In Revelation 17:8 it says that names are written in the book of life before the foundation of the world and I believe my name is there. I recognize that I am a sinner (Romans 3:23) and that I have done things that I knew were wrong (James 4:17). I was born in sin (Psalms 51:5) and my father was Satan (John 8:44). But Jesus Christ paid with his blood the debt for my sin (Hebrews 9:22). And believing in Him, trusting in his blood that He paid for my sin (John 3:16-18). I am now saved (Romans 5:8; I John 5:10-12). Jesus rose from the dead the third day and he now lives in me through His Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13; Romans 8:9). Praise God! He has given me eternal life (Romans 8:1; 1 John 5:10-12; John 3:16).
Since God is love (1 John 4:8), there is no evil in Him. He is 100% love. He gives and gives and gives more. In Romans 8:28 it says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” And Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”
Since 2001, I have been able to find out where the Swick name originated that you can see on the Internet at http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Flats/3312/DAS.HTM and then next I am now working for Instituto InterGlobal with Keith Swift at TEO110: Pensando Sanamente. Biblioteca de Recursos (Library of Resources) – Dennis Swick at http://www.institutointerglobal.org/. During this time we were also able to help with the ministries started at Calvary Church in the Hispanic Church. Plus I am calling weekly people on the phone with cancer and helping out Adam Paff and Pastor Fred Morse with them. During this time I was also able to play my Fender bass (one string and just one finger) for the Hispanic Worship team plus I did some pen and ink drawings with my left hand, though the lines were a bit swiggly. But I was so happy I could do that! Then my wife and I with my daughter Megan, her husband and our two grandchildren bought my parent’s home and now we live there together. My youngest daughter April also got married to Joshua, who is in the Navy. During the following year, my daughter April lived separated from her husband for about a year as he was in the service overseas. But now they are together with my other granddaughter. Then in June 2006, they did another MRI of my brain and found a new tumor in my brain plus some tumors growing in my spine. So I went through two months of stereotactics and normal radiation at UCLA (University of California at Los Angeles). For the first several weeks, I was driven there by some friends in our Adult Bible Study Fellowship at Calvary Church. Later my daughter April, who was pregnant at the time, stayed with me in a nearby motel and we went everyday for the sessions. Then finally my wife Nanette went with me. In January and June of 2007, I had further MRI’s done that showed the tumors were still growing in my spine. So now I am just waiting. No more radiation can be given and chemotherapy is out. Yet aside from it all, I know who I have believed. I am a disciple of Jesus. I have peace in my heart because He loves me. As He promised me, “…I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
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